Monday, November 27, 2006

بدي أروح عالجيش




من اسبوع وكل يوم بنتفرج انا وزوجي واولادي على قناة نورمينا... وبالضبط من حواي الساعة 4 حتى الساعة 8 عشان نتفرج عالاغاني الوطنية... مش طبيعي شو حلوة الاغاني.. بشار السرحان وعمر العبدلات بغنو اغاني بتجنن... وبالذات بشار اللي الو اغنية رائعة جدا اسمها "يالاردنية"... يم بنصير نرقص حتى نتعب. وبصير قلبي يزغرد من الفرح.. وبصير اقول لجوزي: تعرف... جاي عبالي اقوم البس عسكري واروح اداوم بالجيش

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

we lost the game :( but.. hey people... we won!!!








So yesterday I was so enthusiastic and went with my family to have some fun... I carried Abboudeh (with a big bottle of milk) and headed to the basket ball game between the Lebanese Al Riyadhi and the Jordan Team... though we lost ( I donno why I expected a landslide victory) we went back home very happy... the crowds, the security, the "Jordanian feeling" made us go home victorious... the crowds were chanting riyada... ordon... riyada... ordon... in one voice.. Amazing... and i dont know why Omar Abdallat songs sound so much nicer during the games... Hashmi Hashmi was absolutely great...
Carrying four flags (with Jordan's flag on one side and the Arab Bank Shabab prog. on the other.. heheh), my son, Abboudeh (2 years on Dec.6) danced all the time and would not go home after the game finished, so we had to stay also for the Egypt, Kosovo match... (with Egypt winning!)
I felt so happy during the match... the chanting makes me feel so happily Jordanian... it feels so patriotic and we waved the flag till we became tired... yes yes guys do it..
I was so pleased with the security also… normally there would be a lot of elbowing and "dafasheh" on the doors and during the game… some people become so high with patriotism that they start fights for nothing. But the presence of a big number of security personnel (they were really nice too) and a no-smoking strict rule made our game very interesting and rewarding… I love my country… I love Jordan!


(Mu husband, though, will not allow us to sit with the crowd! heheheh)

Friday, November 17, 2006

هو شو السيرة

من وقت ما صرت بلانت سيتيزن خرب جوردن بلانت.... يا فرحة ما تمت...

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Should I be worried?

My blog has very "unique" visitors who land on it after conducting websearches, especially on Google. My statcounter shows the keywords they typed to do their searches… the top search keywords are: Sexless marriages, sex in amman, porn Jordan and the like. While I consider the stories I have written on sex-related issues to be beneficial, especially for those seeking advice on staying connected with their spouses, or reading about the bad effects of watching porn, I find myself disgusted to see that some psychos arrive at my blog expecting "pleasure". I also find myself worried that they ever see my blog which has information about me as well as my photo… should I be worried?

Friday, November 10, 2006

Jordan's 9/11....Clear and Present Danger*


The process has become quite automatic; you go to a shopping mall or a hotel and open your purse or empty your pockets and allow a "security guard" to examine their content. If you are one of the unlucky visitors who sets off the metal detector (just when you thought you were finally getting in) you will have to raise your hands in the air, and allow security to manually search you. The familiar procedure rarely takes more than a minute or two, yet oddly, there is no way out of it. Oula Farawati investigates.


This was not the case only a year ago. Inspection at the doors of hotels, cinemas, and shopping malls was an unfathomable concept. The only place where Jordanians were inspected, to the best of their knowledge, was at airports.
Clearly nowadays this is no longer the case. The upsetting incidents of 9/11, when three hotels were the targets of a string of attacks, have changed Jordan forever. The untimely explosions managed to shake the people’s confidence, for at a time when Jordan seemed unsusceptible to attacks, having been the most secure country in the region for decades, an entire nation was suddenly taken aback by the killing of 60 civilians. Not strictly for Jordanians and their families, terror has become an all too familiar word for people worldwide. Since NY's 9/11 five years ago, globally, not a day goes by without the mention of the words, terror, bombings, suicide attacks, interrogations, or Moslem extremists. From London, Spain, and Germany to Egypt, Qatar, and Saudi Arabia, no place remains safe.
"I never before thought I would be searched and inspected before I enter the mall in Jordan… If someone told me this last year, I would have laughed at the whole idea," Hiba, a schoolteacher said.
Immediately after the attacks, security authorities imposed heavy, not to mention rigid, measures around Jordan. Special emphasis was placed on embassies and foreign offices, non-governmental organizations, government offices, hotels, and shopping malls in addition to some cafes and restaurants.

"I did not realize what an integral part security checks now played in my life until I went away on holiday this summer. I went to malls, hotels, cinemas, and it just felt wrong that nobody checked my purse or that there were no metal detectors. Bizarrely, I actually felt it's not as safe as Jordan," Samar said. Generally, people’s senses are heightened and most find it difficult to be completely at ease in public venues. For Nada Barakat, a cooperate lawyer at a local firm, something as trivial as two people leaving the theater before a movie ended was enough to make her and her family uncomfortable and suspicious.
"We were at the theater the other day and just before the movie ended, two men left… everyone at the theater looked scared… I myself freaked out!" she shared.

Take it or leave it

Despite a general approval of the need to protect Jordan against attacks and prevent any from happening in the future, the overall consensus is far from unanimous. Many people feel annoyed and inconvenienced by the new measures. On the other hand, others feel that these measures are still not enough and that stricter practices have to be implemented in order to really feel safe.

"At the beginning, I was quite irritated by these measures… I am not used to stopping at the doors of more or less every place I want to go to be searched. However, I feel that I have gotten used to them now, sometimes, still, I wish they were not there," added Hiba, the schoolteacher. However, Kinzi Jones, a writer, said the measures were absolutely a must. "I happily plunk down my purse for a search when shopping, and I am thankful when I get pulled over for a random check," she said. "But they seem to be focusing on the wrong people. Just as police are busy giving parking tickets when people who endanger lives on our roads go free," she added. Shaden Abdul-Rahman, a realtor, said that she appreciates the security measures applied at malls. "Sometimes I do wish that they thoroughly search my purse as opposed to just quickly scanning it without checking every item. Occasionally the employee in charge lets you in even though the machine has beeped. He doesn't even bother looking at the screen in front of him. After 9/11 every Jordanian is grateful for extra security," she said.

But Ahmad Hammoudeh, a hospitality student, said he disliked the measures. "I don’t understand this… I never liked it. When I go to Mecca Mall, I never enter through the metal detector, as I believe it is cancerous…Instead I prefer to be searched manually by the guard," he said, after he was searched by security. Like so many other rules and regulations, many locals completely abide by security rules when abroad, but are less cooperative when undergoing procedures locally. Nada Barakat, on the other hand, criticizes people who complain about security measures internally, yet peacefully and quietly accept thorough searches and inspections in European and American airports, although measures taken there are far more undignified and forceful. "The sight of my husband taking off his shoes, jacket, and belt, and sometimes even being dragged into a secluded room because his name sounds dubious whenever we travel abroad, is not a pleasant feeling".



Security… a service for all?!

Kheir Salah has been working as a security guard for Mecca Mall, one of the busiest shopping malls in Amman, for three years. He said he applies strict procedures when working at one of the gates to the mall. "I get people saying they don’t want to go through the detector and I respect that… but in this case, they have to be searched manually… if they refuse, I would never allow them in [without inspection]," he said.
"Sometimes the metal detector beeps, but it could beep because of a ring, a belt, a button, anything. What many do not realize is that we have grades [of sensitivity] on the Garret machine and the machine tells us when the item in question is of any danger," Mr. Salah said.
Additionally, Mr. Salah noted that the mall has a large number of surveillance cameras installed in the many corners of the mall. These cameras, which are connected to a main control system, have proven successful in unraveling any attempts of sabotage or chaos. Special emphasis is also placed on a select few that security personnel feel are suspicious. Examples include people wearing very big (or loose) clothes. Such visitors are flagged down and are manually searched immediately.
Deputy General Manager of Mecca mall, Salameh Kurdi, recalls the few days after the attacks very well. The mall was completely deserted like so many public venues in Amman. "But gradually we started regaining the confidence of people and customers to go out and enjoy their time without fearing any sort of attacks," said Kurdi.

The mall, he added, increased the number of its security personnel to around 130, and manned every gate with a number of security agents to search people getting in. Female security personnel were employed to search women and children.

"Security for us is a service like all the other services we offer here like car parking and cleaning. We have a special department for safety and security. We need to make the mall conducive for investment and safe for people who come here with their children to shop, walk, and have an enjoyable time," said Mr. Kurdi.

According to Mr. Kurdi, whose company (Kurdi Group) also owns Abdoun Mall; security personnel have received and continue to receive, training on the optimum ways that will make security measures successful without becoming too much of a nuisance to mall visitors, which has become one of the busiest places in Amman, especially during weekends. "Our security have received training by the security authorities and continue to learn the most up to date ways that will keep the mall's environment safe and encouraging," he said.

However, Living Well was successful in entering several so-called guarded places without being inspected. Pushing a baby stroller, pretending to be pregnant, or claiming to be very late were reasons that helped our undercover agents avoid inspection. In too many of these places the search was either mediocre or not conducted at all. A sweet smile from one of our female reporters was enough to get through to a restaurant unattended. But in some hotels, notably the Grand Hyatt Amman (one of three hotels attacked last year), Intercontinental Amman, and the Four Seasons, security was strict. The machines they use are very similar to the ones used in international airports. In these hotels, both machine and manual search were obligatory.


Pseudo politically speaking…

Some have a different take on security and making Jordan ultimately safe.
These security measures may help catch criminals but nothing can stop the act of terror. “Let us face it, these security measures are meant to protect the property of the rich in Jordan, not the people of Jordan. The same applies in the U.S. and everywhere else. Who protects Jordanians in the farmers’ market, lower-end restaurants, downtown Amman, or in funerals? No one. You are on your own out there. But when you enter a hotel or a mall, the owners see you as a threat to their property. That's all. The sooner you face this simple fact the sooner you will realize the whole security thing everywhere is not meant for the average citizen," a Jordanian young man, who refused to be named, said. Indeed, security for many should transcend armored doors and armed guards. People should feel valued in order to feel secure; this helps a nation work for its country and not work against it.
"Our government would be committing a crime against Jordanians if they don't learn from the deadly mistakes committed by the U.S. There is no substitute for dialogue with everyone. A mixture of smart security measures and open channels of communication are Jordan's best security policy. At the end of the day, it's us Jordanians who don't live in forts behind technologically advanced security fences and armored vehicles, who will benefit the most from such a smart security policy," he said, preferring anonymity.

Cultural security

Political analyst and expert on Islamic movements, Mohammad Abu Rumman, noticed a transformation in the way Jordanian security handle things. According to Mr. Abu Rumman instead of waiting for extremists and fundamentalists to come and strike, the security authorities have formed a database on security threats and how to protect the country against any more attacks.
"The General Intelligence Department has realized that the database they had was not sufficient, especially after the invasion of Iraq. This entailed strengthening the database about Iraqis and other expats in Jordan and re-examining and enforcing border security," he explained.
In this regard, he believed the security authorities have made a significant success. The fact that security has foiled many terrorist attack attempts proves their success.
"But they have failed in culturally protecting the society against mental and cultural terror, and they have failed in stopping the continuous recruitment of people by Takfiri and other terror groups. They have made many attempts like the Message of Amman and restructuring the Ministry of Awqaf but these have also failed. This is due to the lack of a vision for a practical plan in this regard. All the laws that have been enacted in the security regard recently pertained to physical security and not cultural safety and security. They have failed to create a social and cultural shield against extremism," Mr. Abu Rumman noted.

"People don’t have to believe in the religious beliefs of Al Qaeda but anyone who holds up a flag against the U.S. will absolutely win support. In protests in Amman and elsewhere, protesters carried posters for Hezbollah Secretary General Hassan Nasrallah and not AlQaeda Chief Usama Ben Laden. Which means that a political and cultural shift to an anti-U.S. sentiment was easier. This affects societies with a high percentage of youth, unemployed, and poor people," he said.
"That is why I am saying there should be a very strong societal and cultural campaign that will attract people away from violence and towards peace, tolerance, and acceptance of others," he added.

Columnist and political analyst, Batir Wardam, sees security issues from a different perspective. "I think safety has many faces and physical safety from violence is only one of them. I think Jordan is still relatively safe from terrorism and political violence now, but this may change in the future. My negative assessment against our safety is economic safety and social safety. I feel this country is run by people who do not appreciate it and we may end up with being less safe in terms of education, health, water, and other things we took for granted," he said.
"I fully support security measures in hotels and airports to the highest limits. There are some crazy people who think killing us will get them a ticket to heaven and they will not stop. So I go for security but not at the expense of people's freedoms. Again, I do not think that the Jordanian security forces target anyone who lives peacefully. If you have Takfiri ideas or plan to destabilize the country do not expect the security to shake your hand for that," Mr. Wardam added.

Naseem Tarawneh, a Jordanian living in Canada wrapped it up by saying "Are security measures necessary? With Israel to our west, Lebanon is a mess, people moving in and out of Jordan through Syria to the north, the occupation to our east, terrorists attacking Saudi targets to the south and terrorists attacking Egyptian targets to the south west. So yes...given the circumstances I think so!"

“I never before thought I would be searched and inspected before I enter the mall in Jordan”

“People don’t have to believe in the religious beliefs of Al Qaeda but anyone who holds up a flag against the U.S. will absolutely win support”

“There are some crazy people who think killing us will get them a ticket to heaven and they will not stop.”
*Previously published in Living Well Magazine

Monday, November 06, 2006

The dark obsession*


By Oula Farawati


The scenario is somewhat the same… you wake up in the middle of the night and notice that your husband is not sleeping next to you. You hear some noise coming from the living room, and your hunch tells you to tiptoe towards the room. And there you stand… watching…
“I stood on the room door speechless, motionless for minutes… My head was spinning as I stood there thinking what I should be doing,” said Iman, a 28 year old secretary.
“My husband’s back was towards me and he was watching a naked woman masturbating on TV and was masturbating himself as well… I felt that my whole marital life was falling into pieces,” she said.
Her first reaction was yelling at her husband and asking him what he was doing…But he retorted with surprise at the beginning and then utmost anger.
“He yelled at me loudly and asked me to go back to the bedroom, this is none of your business, he said and I retreated in shock and fear,” she added.
“I went back to the bedroom, stayed in bed for some 10 minutes thinking of what I should be doing next. My heart was beating restlessly and my emotions were hard to understand… I was feeling sad and angry and betrayed.”
But Iman’s husband was not sorry, she said. She recalled that she went to the living room a bit later to discover that her husband was still watching porn, not at all deterred by her anger…
“So I went crazy again and started screaming hysterically and threatening that I would leave the house if he does not stop watching,” she said. "And that is when he stopped."
Iman and her husband slept back to back that night… They did not talk to each other for a week.
“I thought that he would not watch porn again, but I discovered that he was doing that every night… so I decided to talk calmly to him during the day,” she said.
But her husband’s attitude was all but positive.
“He told me that if I don’t like it, then I can do whatever I wanted… and every night now, I would go to sleep knowing that he is betraying me… I would cry myself to sleep… This is how I have been living for the past three years,” she complained.
On the other end of east Amman, lives Nadia, a 34 year old mother of five, her husband would watch porn every night for hours and then come to the bedroom and sleep with her.
“I feel so bad about it… I sleep with him and pretend that I was enjoying it and then fake an orgasm… when he is finished, he would sleep next to me and start snoring and I would sit next to him, cry and stare at him thinking how much I hated him and my whole life,” said Nadia.
Nadia had already gone to her parents’ house to complain after discovering her husband’s addiction to watching porn… Her parents thought she was “absolutely crazy” to ruin her marital life for such a “silly reason.”
“My mom and dad asked me to be realistic and accept whatever he was doing... The man has needs, my father told me and my mother even admitted to me secretly that my father used to watch porn as well, and for years… and with no support from my parents at all, I went back home hurt, but tied-handed,” she said.
Ladies in Amman tell sad and shocking stories about their partners’ addiction to watching porn… while some men were doing that secretly, and sometimes feeling shy about it, others were shameless and would go as far as forcing their wives to watch porn with them.


Is it safe to watch porn?

Experts acknowledge that most men are not aware of the consequences of their once-secret, now-public habit… but mistrust, low self-esteem, and fear about the collapse of their marital lives are only few examples of the effects of porn obsession on wives.
For Iman, the consequences were immediate… her husband would have sex with her only once every two weeks…
“I thought he was watching porn and shying away from me to make up for something that was missing in our relationship, or because I was not pretty. I tried talking to him but he bashed at me and said watching porn has nothing to do with wanting me less, or more,” she said.
She described how dying her hair, buying new and expensive lingerie did not help.
“I started working on myself,” she said. “Everyday, when he comes back from work at 4,00 p.m., he would find good food on the table and find me dressed in sexy lingerie and perfume.”
However, her husband’s response was disappointing. Right after the meal, he would go to bed and sleep for hours: “when I go to sleep, he would watch a porn movie, and I would wet my pillow with tears.”

According to Psychiatrist Mohammad Habashneh, addiction to watching porn can break relationships, affect work performance and become a major life priority.
“The problem differs in intensity and manner from person to another but all porn addicts become hooked on their brains' chemical responses to the stimulating material,” he said.
“But the idea is that the more you watch, the more you get addicted and the more it is hard to quit… Addicts start to require more excitement and intensity and move from wanting to watch normal intercourse to anal sex oral sex and other kinds of extreme sexual practice like fetishism,” Dr. Habashneh added.
The expert noted that the obsession with watching porn can also lead to negative consequences on children, especially if they know that their parents were watching such movies on a daily basis.
“[Addicts] get so immersed in the habit that it deviates their attention from the world… They sometimes become unaware of anything that takes place around them and their whole mindset will only be focused on when they can be alone to watch porn again and again because masturbation leads to solo-sex which can be more rewarding to them,” he added.





Rob Weiss, the founder of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, told TV show Oprah recently that porn addiction is becoming an epidemic. "I think of sex addicts as being drug addicts—only their drug is their own neurochemistry. It's what turns them on. … I talk to guys who say that hours and hours and hours go by, and they're not even aware of the time change because they're so filled with adrenalin and dopamine and serotonin." Contrary to popular belief, sex addiction is not about sex, Weiss told the host. "It's like a gambling addiction," he said. "It's like losing yourself in the process of it, and the men that I work with, they're lost in the flirting and the looking and the possibilities of what might happen. They may never actually have an erection. But they can spend hours and hours and hours kind of lost in fantasy."
Face to face with “one of them” Porn is nothing harmful, many men believe… For Naser, a 29 year old government employee, porn is like sport.“It is nothing addictive or bad… I have watched porn for many years now and I enjoy it a lot…”Naser, however, believes men who criticize porn and say they don’t consume it are simply “lying.”“We are programmed to watching porn.. it is in our libido…I don't really trust men who claim to not be interested in porn. We're biologically programmed to respond to the sight of people having sex."Asked about what he thinks the effects of this habit on women, Naser says it has no effect: “Women should understand how men think… one woman is never enough and watching porn is much less harmful than cheating or marrying another woman.”For the young man, who was educated in London, women in Jordan are quite traditional and boring and “do not do many things in bed.”“I ask my wife for things in bed but she refuses… I see many nice things in these films and I have the right to demand the same stuff…”This is where the problem lies, Dr. Habashneh believes the danger of watching porn comes from the fact that actors go to extremes to impress fans… “These actors have sex for a living… they don’t mind going to extreme extremes and do things that are sometimes impossible to imagine.”“Now the danger is that for most men porn films are their sex education and they think that what these actors and actresses do is what drives up excitement and some wives fall for that, because sex education here is always a taboo,” he added. At its most basic level, pornography answers natural human curiosity. Adolescent boys want to know what sex is about, and porn demonstrates the mechanics.
Guardian writer Edward Marriott wrote in a 2003 that long before his first sexual relationship, porn was his sex education.

“Like many men, I first saw pornography during puberty. At boarding school, dog-eared copies of Mayfair and Knave were stowed behind toilet cisterns; this borrow-and-return library system was considered absolutely normal, seldom commented upon and either never discovered by the masters or tacitly permitted,” he wrote.
“No doubt (though we'd never have admitted it then) my friends and I were driven to use porn through loneliness: being away from home, we longed for love, closeness, unquestioning acceptance. The women over whom we masturbated - the surrogate mothers, if you like - seemed to be offering this but, of course, they were never going to provide it. The untruths it taught me on top of this disappointment - that women are always available, that sex is about what a man can do to a woman - I am only now, more than two decades on, finally succeeding in unlearning,” Marriott added.
David Morgan, consultant clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst at the Portman Clinic in London describes the “learning phase” as "transitional, like a rehearsal for the real thing”.
However, he wrote that the problem with pornography begins when, instead of being a temporary stop on the way to full sexual relations, it becomes a full-time place of residence." Morgan's experience of counseling men addicted to porn has convinced him that "the more time you spend in this fantasy world, the more difficult it becomes to make the transition to reality. Just like drugs, pornography provides a quick fix, a masturbatory universe people can get stuck in. This can result in their not being able to involve anyone else."
After all, pornography is a big lie. It is all about false love, sex and human relationships. Its victims are lonely, weak men and some women.




Tips for wives: how to make your husband quit

Psychiatrist Mohammad Habashneh offers these tips for women

1- Don’t confront your husband with the problem because this will put him on the defensive side and make him insist on repeating the behavior again and again
2- Do work on yourself: Change how you look every now and then, don’t go to extremes, though (e.g. don’t change your hair color every month)
3- Do make your husband feel that he is your first priority all the time, some men resort to watching porn when they feel isolated or ignored
4- Don’t take sex for granted, enjoy your sexual life and work on it
5- Do change the sexual pattern often, positions, rituals and timings
6- Do engage yourself and your husband in social activities and break boredom and monotony, some men resort to watching porn because they are bored


*previously published in Living Well Magazine...

Thursday, November 02, 2006

GO GO Qwaider



I was so happy today to see that qwaider has started his own aggregator... his own, maybe OUR aggregator... Samer is one of the most spontaneous and proactive people I have ever "met"... I like the fact that when he does not like something, he DOES something... not only he is tactfully straight and honest, he takes words into deeds and does something against whatever injustice he encounters... Mabrook Samer... THANK YOU!