Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year




This, according to my friend, Wafa, was voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!
Read on and tell me if you think this is right or wrong:

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day
while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he
prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
went grocery shopping, and then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son… I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months though. You got pregnant last night."

I do understand that women have a lot to do at home, but to be fair, all my friends tell me how cooperative their husbands are and how they help them with the house chores and with the kids! I think today's men have grown up to finally believe that it takes more than one to have kids, and it takes more than one to raise them, too!

The incurable complex




A man who talks a little too much about his mother will raise a "mama's boy" flag in any woman's mind… Oula Al Farawati provides reasons why women don't like mama's boys and tips to help some cope...



It was all too romantic at the beginning. Muna* got married expecting that Yahia, a 32-year-old merchant will cherish and honor her as the only woman of his dreams. Muna’s dream of Yahia collapsed soon after marriage when she discovered that she had to fight for the no.1 position in his life. Yahia had already reserved that position for another woman: his mom.

“Life has never been that miserable for me. My mother-in-law knows everything about our lives and she comes often to give me advice about how I should treat my husband,” Muna complained. Muna’s mother-in-law shared the couple their wedding anniversary, attended the disgruntled wife's birthdays and was there when Muna presented her husband with gifts during his birthday. She even gave her advice on what kind of lingerie Yahia likes and gave her countless remarks about cooking “yummy dishes.”

“My life is an open book to my mother in law… She believes she is the only good woman for her youngest son… I tried to talk to my husband but he retorted with anger and accused me of hating his mother,” said Muna, a mother to two boys. During the engagement and as the couple were preparing for their house, Yahia asked his mother for help, so she “helped” the couple pick the house furniture, choose the wedding party location and had the final say in every single detail. At that time Muna thought it was only normal that her mother-in-law was involved, especially that Yahia was her youngest soon.

But she explained that soon, things began to worsen, especially when the couple had their first baby. "I felt that the baby would bring Yahia and I closer together because our relationship has always been strained with me struggling to please him," she said. "But instead, it brought my husband and his mom together. I was not allowed to do anything without consulting my mother-in-law… She chose the baby's name, clothes and did not feel comfortable when I breastfed my baby… two months after the baby's birth, Yahia started taking him to my in-law's and my baby would sleep there most of the time," she complained. ·

Do mama's boys exist?

Sociologist Musa Shteiwi argues that no man would admit that he is so attached to mama. Men, especially in the Arab World, tend to believe that they have the ability to make decisions on their own without the external influence of anybody, how about a woman. Dr. Shteiwi acknowledges that the "phenomenon" does exist, but warns that women have to be careful and make a distinction between someone who loves his mother and is good to her and someone who has an unhealthy attachment to mammy. ·

Where to draw the line?

Many men argue that their wives accuse them of being mama's boys for simply calling their moms very often or buying them a gift every now and then. Marwan, a marketing director and a father of two children said his wife "does not understand" his delicate situation and puts up a fight whenever he calls, visits his mom or ask her for her opinion about "things".

Explaining that he was an only child, Mohammad said that he needed to take care of his mother and visit the old lady who lives alone very often. "And there is nothing wrong with asking my mom for her opinion… My mom raised me and she knows me very well, much better than my wife does and my mom seems to always help me when I am unable to make up my mind about something," he said. Dr. Shteiwi says the differentiating line is when the mother can, and is allowed by her son, to meddle in the life of the couple and become "a partner" who can make decisions that should be otherwise made by the couple, alone.

"It is a difficult formula especially in our society... if the wife accuses her husband of being mama's boy for no reason, it will backfire on the relationship between the woman and her husband and probably on the wife's relationship with her mother in law," Dr. Shteiwi said. "Wives have to understand this difficult formula... After all, I will draw a big question mark on a man who is not good to his mother," said the social specialist. ·

It melts down to the society!

So what makes men unable to stand up to mama? Dr. Shteiwi noted that the "parental" society that most of us in the Arab world are raised in draws a big distinction between the roles of both parents. In this system, women have to shoulder most of the responsibility in bringing children up. "So when the mom raises the child, tells him what he can, or cannot do, and has the final say on play, school and other life decisions, the son forms a kind of attachment that is hard to break," said Dr. Shteiwi. "Our society knows this, acknowledges and fosters it... The father's role lies in bringing in money and sometimes disciplining bad behavior," he added.

So when mothers have this kind of responsibility, a desire to rule and intimidate grows in them and at the same time, children do not develop the ability to make decisions and fully depend on their mother to sometimes make lifetime decisions for them.

In the case of the couple Yahia and Muna, the disgruntled wife complained that her mother-in-law never found her good enough "for her baby." "I was never good in doing anything... My cooking was bad and my taste was bad... And what made me go crazy is that she started making decisions on the way we raise the children... She decided what school they should go to and what subjects they should chose and picked their Eid clothes, and my husband was happy about all that." Dr. Shteiwi said that a man raised by an intimidating mother subconsciously develops a Freudian relationship with his mom.

The situation becomes worse when the once-child-now-a man gets married and brings home an "enemy". "So when her son gets married, the mom subconsciously feels the threat, especially that the woman will steal from her someone who she used to order and get listened to, and that means that a loss of a big source of enforcement and self-esteem. And that why animosity immediately develops between the two women," Dr. Shteiwi explained. He added that men immediately get on the defensive when they feel that their wives hate their moms, which can worsen the situation and further foster the relationship between men and their mothers. "Why not? Now they even have a mutual enemy," he said,

Dr. Shteiwi believes that no cure is available yet for such a dilemma. A woman cannot change in few years what her husband was raised according to for a minimum of 25 years of his life. "I am not being pessimistic… the symptoms can be lessened but they can never be cured. I am not advising divorce, but women who were cursed with this problem will find it as the only solution." In the case of Yahia and Muna, the couple is still married… But a year ago, Yahia's mother picked him another bride as she thought Muna "will never become better."

Yahia's new wife, is said to also suffer from the "mama's boy complex."

Consultant Clinical Psychologist Dr. Josi Salem-Pickartz provides an understanding of the situation of men in Jordan. "Every now and then I get cases where husbands are more involved with the family they came from than the family they founded especially in the first two years of marriage" she said. She added that this has two consequences: Wives feel neglected and the husband's relationship with his kids is affected. For cultural and religious reasons, she continued, men tend to give more attention to the families they come from, especially their moms. "But a man needs to make up his mind about where to place these two women in his life," she said. "Men need to emancipate themselves from their moms and teach themselves how to solve their problems on their own," she advised. Interestingly, men who are mama's boys sometimes become wife's boys. Dr, Salem-Pickartz explained that men who are spoiled by their moms expect to be spoiled by their spouses which places a lot of pressure on the wives.

However, Dr. Salem-Pickartz said there were no specific rules to follow to get out of the situation except for mutual respect and communication: "Men and women have to understand that marriage is a new project to work on and pay attention to… There are no rules for a good marriage and couples should always communicate on the best ways to make their relationships become stronger."

Dr. Shteiwi offers the following tips to women on how to teach husbands to stand up to mammy. · Never tell your husband that he is a mama's boy. Such an "accusation" can worsen the situation.

· Foster your relationship with your mother. This will make your husband more willing to accept your indirect remarks.
· Work on fostering your husband's independent side. Keep telling him how good he is in making decisions. ·

Don’t put your husband in situations here he has to choose between you and his mom

Ramadan Kareem... God bless! Doesn't Ramadan feel so painful this year? Or is it that the older I get the more heartache I feel... It is increasingly becoming painful to be simply, a Muslim!

Najib Mahfouz: Simply sophisticated novelty

Obituary…. by Oula Farawati
It is 9,00 o'clock Cairo time… old men are smoking nargilleh on the sidewalks of the Gamaliya street… the air is still, yet is occasionally disturbed by the subtle clatter of the hubbly bubbly and women begging their children to go home after spending an entire day playing under the scorching sun of the old streets of Cairo.
A dark, quiet young man walks down the street… he does not contribute to the noises around, does not comment on any of the simple incidents which typify the old street of immortal Cairo, he is barely noticed by passers by and the inhabitants of the street, but his eyes don’t miss any detail…
He marches through the smoke of his cigarette… he puffs smoke in the air and registers incidents in his mind… his delicate steps are slow and subdued, but his mind is vibrant and pulsating… this very mind is soon packed of thoughts which then rapture on paper documenting history in details and eloquently telling the sadness and happiness of the simple lives of many Egyptians who survived the foreign occupations, autocracies and too much enchanting nationalism… with two scrutinizing eyes, this chap created history and dug for himself immortal memories in the minds and hearts of so many… He was nobody but Najib Mahfouz, the good son of old Cairo and the father of modern Arabic literature.

Mahfouz walked quietly towards death last month… His immortality survived an assassination, sickness, and too much passion for his beloved Cairo, but he then decided to walk away with grace and poise. The old streets of Cairo mourned him, along with the tears of oppressed poor old men and women, who would have never made any imprints in history had it not been for the simply sophisticated words of Mahfouz, who single handedly engraved minutes and seconds of their lives in human literally chronicles.

He was his own man. A simple truth that is bigger and superior to politics was his only concern. "I am a very old man, an introvert," he once told a journalist, who wasn't sure whether Mahfouz was joking or not. "So winning the Nobel was really terrible for me. I won the prize, yes, but I lost everything else," he shared.

Si-Sayed, Amina and all the young boys of his fairy tales are mourning him… They grieve the man who told simply refined stories of good and evil, right and wrong, truth and betrayal… He told us dreams and taught us manners and made traditions suddenly and ultimately right and forever eternal.

Bravo Maktoob!

I think the new Maktoob Arabic search service, Araby www.araby.com, is absolutely amazing... I do a lot of searches in Arabic, especially when I write big features in Arabic... I usually used google Arabic search, it helped a lot... But araby.com was absolutely much better... I entered the same keywords and got much more results and much more content... I wish it had been here earlier, my stories would have definitely been much better... Bravo!

ENJOY THE MOMENT

I received this by email today and I though it was quite inspiring... Thanks Ammar!

Not in the Mood

The fastest growing epidemic in nuptial bliss, sexless marriages, is now plaguing the Jordanian wedded. Why is it that some couples just cannot keep the flame alive? Oula Farawati investigates the truth behind why so many have lost that lovin' feeling.

Last year, Um Ala' had what she explained to be a big fight with her husband. According to her, things have changed between them since then, perhaps forever. The 42-year-old mother of four says her marital life was "technically and practically the same", however, after the fight one major element had been deleted; sex. "Things are basically normal; my husband goes to work, I do the house chores, and we spend time with the kids like always. People don’t sense that our relationship is strained in any way. But when we close the bedroom door behind us, we both feel the presence of an ever-expanding wall between us; we sleep with our backs to each other. We have not had sex for almost a year now," Um Ala' shared.

Sharing Is Caring

Women in Amman and elsewhere in Jordan are becoming more vocal, albeit cautious, about what seems to be an emerging characteristic in today's marriages; the loss of intimacy. Wives alternate between hushing each other when this topic is broached, or daring to occasionally divulge openly about their issues in female circles. "When we get together for coffee in the morning, we joke about what happens during the night. Sometimes, however, a neighbor will disclose that she and her husband are just out of touch," Um Anas, a resident of Jabal Jofeh confided.
In all-male circles, the issue of sexless marriages is very rarely talked about; some men describe the situation with their spouses using a well known-phrase, "My wife and I are now like brother and sister."

Root of the Problem

Experts are pointing out that many Jordanians are coming forward and taking steps to rectify the situation by visiting specialized clinics to get advice on how to spice things up, or at least try to catch a glimmer of their once vivacious sex life. Sadly, with some couples, the lack of sexual activity is a direct manifestation of a much larger underlying issue. Consultant Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Josi Salem-Pickartz explains by saying "Many couples come to me saying that they no longer have sex because they are not happy with each other. Some of them say they married someone they neither like nor respect and admit that they regretted their choice in spouse selection since day one!"
Dr. Salem-Pickartz is quick to point out that not all problems are that deeply rooted explaining that couples these days are preoccupied with their children, jobs, and families rendering physical intimacy insignificant. "Life takes these couples away from each other and they become too exhausted to think about or want sex, and this has negative consequences on their marriage" she explained.

Hell Hath No Fury

Randa*, a nurse with three children and a full time job believes that sex is a luxury she cannot afford. She says she has sex with her husband once a month at the most, explaining that the late night work shifts, house chores, kids, and breastfeeding take up all of her time. Her husband, she added, constantly complains about their situation. "When we first got married, we used to have sex twice a day and we were very happy about it. But after taking on the night shift at work and having three kids, I just can't find the energy to have sex. I am tired and overworked, and my husband is not being very cooperative," she said. "He complains about it, but is not willing to help out by taking on some of the responsibilities. When I finally go to bed and am dying to get some rest, he is wide awake and energized" she complained.
Asking around, one can observe that a lot of women, regardless of whether they are women with full-time jobs, stay-at-home moms, or women without children, are very angry. They’re infuriated that their husbands are neither considerate nor sympathetic and would never even think of playing a more supportive role. They are mad that men take laborious tasks such as grocery shopping, meals, laundry, telephone bills, and kids' school exams for granted and do not trouble their heads with these details.
Some of these irate ladies have resorted to using sex as a weapon, and the lack of it as a punishment. Interestingly, research results posted on the Johns Hopkins University website claim that women do have some legitimate gripes. Most two-income couples without children divide up the household chores pretty evenly. After the kids come, however, men may be happy to play with the new family member, but they actually do less around the house. Men’s contributions to household chores increased dramatically in the 70s and 80s, but haven’t changed much since then, according to Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist at Johns Hopkins. He found that 55% of fathers actually start spending more time at work after a child is born. His interpretation of this phenomenon is that some fathers may suddenly take their role as the breadwinner more seriously while others may feel slighted by how much attention their wives lavish on the new baby.

Aggravating Apathy

Husam’s* brief marriage ended last year with a bitter divorce. I am embarrassed to admit it, but lack of intimacy was the reason why I left her" he said. The 32-year-old IT professional said his wife was responsible for the collapse of their once drunk-with-love relationship. "When we were engaged, I used to travel 300 kilometers everyday from Ma’an to meet her in Irbid were she lived with her parents.” According to Husam, their sexual relationship faded rapidly "She was so monotonous, she made no attempt to make herself more desirable to me.” He further confided that his wife was not at all interested in sex “at the beginning of our marriage that was not important because her body was new to me, but after two years, things changed and I needed her encouragement to initiate love, but she was not interested, or interesting enough.” Ultimately it was his wife’s nonchalance that severed the relationship “I used to feel like she is a pillow lying next to me and not a woman. I would look at her and feel nothing but disgust and lack of interest. Until now, believe me I don’t know why she hated sex." Husam said.
Ironically, Psychiatrist Mohammad Habashneh acknowledges that routine sex is the top reason for sexless marriages. He is receiving an increasing number of patients who complain about that lack the element of surprise and creativity, in addition to redundancy in sexual intercourse were the key reasons why couples are drifting apart.
"Many couples are living with each other as hating friends. They have to live with each other for the sake of their children or other commitments. Their sex life becomes as boring as eating the same kind of food everyday," he said.

Cheese, cheese, cheese…

Routine is what also made Odeh* distant from his wife. "She tastes the same everyday. After trying other women, I discovered that each one has a different taste and aroma," laughed the middle-aged, Russian-educated engineer. Odeh is still married to his wife because he has three children. Yet he boldly blames her for his constant infidelity by explaining that he had asked his wife to become more playful during intercourse only to be reprimanded and told that she was not a whore.
"I am man with needs, if she is not wiling to fulfill them, then I have the right to go look for happiness somewhere else.” Odeh seems to be content with his current situation explaining “the last time I had sex with her was two years ago, and she still tasted like unsalted cheese. Since then, I live with her happily as brother and sister."
As explained by Dr. Habashneh, lack of communication is a major hindering factor in suffering sex lives; couples are urged to communicate freely and openly about their feelings and fantasies. He points out the other repercussions by saying “lack of intimacy leads to masturbation and watching pornography, and these are also a main motive behind sexless marriages, it is a vicious cycle.” According to Dr. Habashneh, solo-sex is also a main cause for sexless marriages “We just get so many people suffering from these interconnected problems." Social constraints and a traditional upbringing make some couples totally unaware of pleasure techniques. Many are also reluctant to go beyond traditional sex because it is socially unaccepted.

Let’s Get Physical
Dr. Salem-Pickartz says pregnancy, delivery, and breastfeeding make men feel sidelined. "After delivery, women become very protective of their bodies, especially if their experience with child birth was difficult. They become preoccupied with their new baby, weight loss, in-laws' visits, and so on. Many marriages also suffer from the lack of sexual desire at the time of post-delivery, especially when wives go through post-partum depression," she noted.
Gynecologist Efteem Azar explained that men rarely speak about less sex in their married lives and that it is ultimately the women who speak-up "Some of my female patients are too shy to talk about this [initially], but when they visit me several times, they feel less reserved and ask for advice on solving such problems [like sexless marriages]," he said.
In addition to the most common of reasons for sexless marriages, namely, familiarity, Dr. Azar added that sometimes women become less inclined to have sex because they don't enjoy it. This is especially the case when their husbands cannot give them the pleasure they desire or are not responsive to their sexual needs. "Women are sometimes slower in responding sexually to their husbands during intercourse. Men are usually very quickly and easily aroused. When there are conflicting thresholds of arousal between the man and the woman, it is not uncommon for the man to climax before the woman, so she doesn’t enjoy intercourse. With time, women simply become less interested or lose desire altogether," he said.
Dr. Azar noted that often men suffer from premature ejaculation, which causes their wives to feel completely sexually under-nourished. This, according to Dr. Azar, requires medical intervention. Experts acknowledged that men need to become more receptive to their wives sexual needs through different options like foreplay and finding out what "techniques" give wives more pleasure, stressing that communication between couples has to become deeper and more authentic.



The Missing Link

Advice on how to stay connected, varies widely. Traditionally, marriage counselors have focused on bridging emotional gaps between husbands and wives, with the idea that better sex flows out of better communication. Dr. Salem-Pickartz says, "Couples should basically work on their marriage. Marriage counseling gives tips on how to raise intimacy and communication," she said. Sexuality, according to Dr. Salem-Pickartz, is eventually a mirror of the entire relationship, "Sensuality, after all, is the last link in the chain."


*Name was changed upon the interviewee's request

Consistency

check this!

This guy took a photo of himself everyday for six years... it is amazing how some people can have this kind of consistency to do something everyday of their life without forgetting one day or just procrastinating about it... I wish I can do something similar... something that makes sense, though!

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أمهات يقتلن مواليدهن بالملح

العناية بالمواليد الجدد ليست عملية سهلة ولكنها قد تصبح أصعب إذا تم اغفال النصائح الطبية والاعتماد على الشعوذات والممارسات الشعبية الموروثة في التربية. وفي هذا التحقيق، توضح علا الفرواتي كيف ساهمت إحدى الممارسات الخاطئة في معاناة الكثير من العائلات.

المقادير: أربعة ملاعق من ملح الطعام مضافة إلى نحو كوبين من الماء الفاتر أو زيت الزيتون.
والمقادير السابقة ليست لصنع المخلل ولكنها "خلطة" تضعها بعض الأمهات على جسد المواليد الجدد ضمن عادة اجتماعية ومتوارثة كانت السبب على مدى أجيال وراء موت العديد من الأطفال وإصابة الكثيرين منهم بالصفار، تكسر في خلايا الدم الحمراء، قصور شديد في وظائف الكلى وفي بعض الحالات تلف خلايا الدماغ الذي يفضي إلى الشلل، الصمم أو العمى.
وتعتقد النساء اللواتي يمارسن هذه العادة أن غسل جسم المولود الجديد بالماء والملح أو دهنه بخليط الملح والزيت "يجعل جسم المولود قويا ويزيد مناعته ضد الأمراض."
وتعتقد أمل ان دهن جسم مولودتها الجديدة بالماء والملح جعل رائحة جسمها جميلة جدا وخلصها من "رائحة الزنخ التي علقت بجسم مولودتها أثناء عملية الولادة."
وأمل مثل الكثير من الأمهات في الأردن، تركيا، سوريا واليونان اللواتي يعتقدن ان هذه الممارسة صحية ومستحبة حيث يقدر أخصائي طب الأطفال يوسف أبو إصبع نسبة السيدات اللواتي يغسلن أجسام مواليدهن بمحلول ملحي في الأردن بنحو 30%، وذلك استنادا إلى دراسة أجراها مؤخراً.
ويبين الطبيب الذي يرأس وحدة العناية بالمواليد الجدد في مستشفى الأردن أن هذه العادة منتشرة بشكل مقلق وأن جهدا حكوميا للحد منها يجب أن يبذل وعلى مستوى وطني.
وقال د. أبو إصبع أنه كان يستقبل بعض المواليد وهم يعانون من أعراض مرضية بدون أسباب واضحة.
ويضيف:"كانت الأم ووليدها الجديد تغادر المستشفى وهو لا يشتكي من أية أعراض ولكنها كانت تعود بعض أيام ووليدها يعاني من الحمى، الاصفرار وازرقاق في الأطراف."
"وبالفحص العادي لم أكن أجد أي سبب مباشر لذلك وبعد الفحص المخبري للدم كان يتبين لدي ارتفاع غير معروف الأسباب لنسبة الملح (الصوديوم) في الدم. وعند سؤال الأهل كان يتضح لي أن السبب كان استخدام الملح والماء أو الزيت."



قتل غير متعمد

ويروي د. أبو إصبع قصة المولودة رحمة التي غادرت مع والدتها المستشفى "سليمة ومعافاة ليحضرها أهلها وعمرها ستة أيام وهي تعاني من حمى، ازرقاق في الأطراف، اصفرار في الجلد والجفون، قلة حركة وضعف في المص."
ويضيف:"تبين لنا بالفحص السريري أن درجة حرارة المولودة 39.5 مئوية. وبدت منهكة ومعتلة ومصابة بجفاف شديد، تبقع في البشرة وعدم استجابة للمنعكسات العصبية."
ويروي الطبيب كيف أن التحاليل المخبرية أظهرت ارتفاعا شديدا جدا في نسبة الأملاح في الدم حيث كانت نسبة الصوديوم 194 (المعدل الطبيعي 135-140) إضافة إلى وجود قصور في وظائف الكلى وحموضة شديدة في الدم وكلها نتائج لمضاعفات الجفاف الشديد والارتفاع الحاد للأملاح في الدم.
وقال د. أبو إصبع أن المولودة أصيبت بتشنجات متكررة استعصت على العلاج بينت بعدها الصور المقطعية للدماغ وجود استسقاء مائي في المخ ووجود نزيف تحت أغشية الدماغ. كما بين التخطيط لكهربائي لاحقا وجود موت دماغي.
ويضيف:" توفيت رحمة نتيجة للمضاعفات برغم جميع الجهود الطبية المبذولة. وأفاد الأهل بأنه تم تمليح المولودة عن طريق فرك جلدها بالملح والزيت وفرك باطن فمها بالملح ولأيام متتابعة."
ويروي الطبيب قصة المولود سليمان الذي احضره والداه إلى عيادته وهو يعاني من تشققات في الجلد وندوب في البشرة بدأت بعد عدة أيام من الولادة اتضح بعدها انه المولود دهن بالملح والزيت لثلاثة أيام متوالية.
ويضيف:"بمتابعة الطفل تبين لي حدوث تباطؤ شديد في نمو قطر الرأس في الشهور الثلاثة الأولى من عمره رغم أن قطر الرأس عند الولادة كان طبيعيا... وفقد الاتصال بالمريض بعد ذلك."

ويبين د. أبو إصبع أن تغسيل المواليد بالماء والملح أو فرك جلدهم بالملح والزيت يؤذيهم لكون بشرتهم ناعمة ورقيقة وتحتوي على نسبة عالية من الماء وهي نفاذة له ويمكن من خلالها فقد السوائل وامتصاص الملح مما يزيد نسبة الأملاح في الدم بدرجة عالية جدا.

التمليح عادة منتشرة

واستنادا على دراسة قام بها الطبيب بتوزيع استبيان على 150 أمٍٍٍٍٍٍٍٍ أن 16% من الأمهات لا يعرفن أي فوائد لتمليح المولود. وأن 50% من الأمهات يعتقدن أن هناك بعض الفوائد لتمليح الطفل منها تقليل العرق، تقوية العظام والعضلات، تقوية المناعة، تسريع التئام الجروح وتطرية البشرة وحمايتها من التحسس. فيما قالت 16% منهن أن للتمليح بعض المضار مثل جفاف وتشقق الجلد واحمراره، تهيج العيون والفم وزيادة الملح في الجسم.

وتبين بعد الاستبيان أن نسبة الأمهات الجامعيات بلغت 46% واللواتي اتممن المرحلة الثانوية فقط أو أقل كانت 54%. وأن أعمارهن تراوحت بين 20-42 عاما.

ويعلق د. أبو إصبع أن"هذا يعني أن عادة تمليح المواليد ليست مقتصرة على الأمهات غير المتعلمات أو الكبيرات في السن."

وبحسب الدراسة فان 47% من الأمهات سبق وملحن أطفالهن مرة على الأقل كما أن 13.5 منهن كن يعرفن عن مضار التمليح إلا أنه تم تمليح أطفالهن.

اعتقادات مغلوطة

أم فايز في السبعين من عمرها وهي أم لثمانية أبناء وبنات وجدة لنحو 15 حفيدا. وتفخر السيدة السبعينية بمجهوداتها في تربية أولادها وأحفادها الذين يتمتعون بأجسام قوية. وتعتقد أم أحمد أن تمليح الأطفال و"تزييت" جلدهم هو ما جعلهم أقوياء ومتعهم بصحة تامة.

وتقول أم فايز:"لو لم أقم بتمليح أولادي وأحفادي لظل جلدهم ذا رائحة سيئة طول حياتهم ولتعرضوا من كثير من الأمراض الجلدية."

وتعترف السيدة بأنها لم تستمع لاعتراضات إحدى بناتها وأحدى كناتها اللتين اعترضتا على التمليح. "لو لم أساعدهم في تمليح الأولاد لظل اطفالهما يعانون طول حياتهم. لقد ملحت هؤلاء الأطفال حتى الإشباع."
وبرغم أن أولاد أم فايز واحفادها لم يعانوا من أمراض خطيرة إلا أن د. أبو إصبع يعلق أن عملية التمليح تؤثر على بعض مواليد أكثر من غيرهم وتؤذي الأطفال المولودين مبكراً أكثر من غيرهم لأن جلدهم يكون ارق وبالتالي يكون أكثر نفاذية للماء.
وبحسب الدراسة فان 29% من الأمهات اللواتي "ملحن" مواليدهن عن طريق تحميم الطفل بماء مضاف إليه كميات متفاوتة من الملح، وأن 37% قمن بفرك بشرة المواليد بالملح والزيت وأن 2.7% منهن وضعن ملحا في الفم وفركن باطن الخدين واللسان به. وأفادت الدراسة أن تمليح المواليد يتم عادة من قبل الأم أو الحماة أو سيدة كبيرة من العائلة.
ورغم أن الأطباء ينصحون بعدم التمليح إلا أن بعض الأمهات يصررن عليه. وبحسب د. أبو إصبع فان أربع أمهات من العينة التي تمت دراستها قمن بتمليح مواليدهن برغم استماعهن للبرنامج التثقيفي ضد التمليح وذلك "لأن العادة جرت على ذلك."

التسول في الأردن بين استدرار العطف.. الدعارة... والمخدرات

التنمية الاجتماعية:75% من المتسولين "أغنياء"


مع بدء فصل الصيف وقدوم السياح، يجد الكثيرون في التسول مهنة سهلة ومدرة للربح... علا الفرواتي رافقت إحدى فرق مكافحة التسول التابعة لوزارة التنمية الاجتماعية لتكتشف أن كثيرا من المتسولين أغنياء فقدوا الكرامة والتعفف...

الإشارة الضوئية على الشارع الذي يفصل بين الصويفية وعبدون حمراء. تتقدم طفلة لا يتجاوز عمرها سبع سنوات وترفع قامتها لتصل إلى شباك سيارة مرسيدس يقودها شاب تجلس بجانبه فتاة.
تمد الطفلة يدها وتقول باستجداء:"أعطيني شلن." ويصرخ الشاب عليها بصوت عال:"اذهبي من هنا." ولكن الطفلة التي لوحت أشعة الشمس بشرتها بوضوح لا تبدو راغبة بالذهاب دون الحصول على ما أرادت. ويأتي الفرج على يد الفتاة الجالسة بجانب السائق والتي نهرته بقولها:"حرام عليك... انظر كم تبدو فقيرة."
وعلى مضض، يمد الشاب يده إلى محفظته ويخرج دينارا يعطيه إلى الطفلة المتسولة ويصرخ في وجهها:"روحي عالبيت."
وركضت الطفلة، التي كانت ترتدي ملابس ممزقة وعجزت مهنتها في التسول عن شراء حذاء لها، فرحة بغنيمتها نحو سيارة أخرى واستجدت سائقتها لتعطيها نقودا تشتري فيها "سندويشة" لأنها "لم تأكل منذ يومين." لكن محاولتها فشلت بسبب تحول الإشارة الضوئية إلى خضراء فاضطرت للركض إلى الرصيف لتنتظر الإشارة الحمراء التي تمكنها من متابعة "عملها" غير متأثرة بالنهر والصراخ وضياع الفرص.
وعلى إشارة الصناعة، تجول أربعة أولاد سمر يرتدون طاقيات تقيهم أشعة شمس الظهيرة بين السيارات وطلبوا من عدة سائقين شراء محصولهم من "الفقوس" الذي بدا ذابلا وقديما قبل أن يلحظ احد هؤلاء الأطفال حافلة وزارة التنمية الاجتماعية والتي رافقتها مجلة أنت. وبمجرد رؤيته للحافلة صرخ الولد الذي لا يتجاوز عمره السبعة عشر عاما "كبسة" وبدأ بالركض نحو الأرض الفارغة على يسار الإشارة. وركض باقي الأولاد وراء أخيهم الأكبر وطارت قبعة أصغرهم وأسرعهم ليتبين ان من يركض هي طفلة عمرها نحو ثماني سنوات لم تفلح سرعتها وخلعها لحذائها أثناء الركض من أن يمسك بها مراقب السلوك التابع لوزارة التنمية الذي استطاع جرها إلى الحافلة.
وبمجرد صعودها إلى الحافلة بدأت الطفلة المذعورة باستجداء عطف مراقبي السلوك، فيما كان إخوانها يصرخون ويهددون برجم الحافلة بحجارة كبيرة جمعوها من الشارع.
وتبين بعد سؤال الطفلة وإخوانها الغاضبين أنهم يعملون في بيع "الفقوس" الذي ادعوا ان والدهم يحضره من السلط.
وقال أكبرهم الذي سمى نفسه "محمد":"أحضرنا والدي أنا وإخوتي إلى هنا في الصباح وذهب إلى البيت. أنا أبيع الفقوس حتى أعيش... البيع على الإشارة الضوئية أفضل من السرقة." وقام بعد ذلك بالاتصال بوالده من هاتف خلوي كان بحوزته وأخبره باقتضاب ان "التنمية تلاحقهم."



ويوضح مسؤول برنامج مكافحة التسول والتشرد في وزارة التنمية الاجتماعية خالد الرواشدة أن بيع السلع البسيطة والرخيصة يعتبر نوعا من أنواع التسول الذي يعاقب عليه القانون حيث أن المتسولين يتسترون تحت غطاء بيع هذه السلع لاعتقادهم ان هذه الطريقة تحميهم من العقاب القانوني، ولاستخدام هذه السلع في استدرار عطف الناس الذين يصدقون ان هذه طريقة "مشروعة وكريمة" لكسب العيش.وتعرف الوزارة التسول بأنه القيام بأعمال الاستجداء وطلب الصدقة بطريقة مباشرة أو غير مباشرة باستخدام وسائل وطرق خفية أو ظاهرة.
ويضيف الرواشدة:"المشكلة هي أن الناس يشجعون سلوك التسول الظاهر أو الخفي ولا يعرفون أن 75 بالمائة من المتسولين وبائعي الإشارات أغنياء عن الاستجداء ويزيد دخلهم عن خط الفقر ويمتلك معظمهم منازلا، سيارات ومصادر دخل ثابتة."
ويشير:"الفقر لا يعتبر الدافع الرئيسي للتسول لأن المتسولين والذي يتبين بعد القبض عليهم أن دافعهم للتسول هو الفقر لا يعودون إلى ممارسة الاستجداء وخاصة بعد أن يخصص لهم معونة شهرية من صندوق المعونة الوطنية."


التسول بوابة للمخدرات والدعارة

وتمتد الآثار السلبية للتسول إلى أبعد من كونه ممارسة غير حضارية تسرق الأطفال من المدارس والمتنزهات وتزعج المواطنين والسائحين ليصبح بيئة خصبة لاستغلال الأطفال ونمو عصابات الدعارة وبيع المخدرات. ويذكر الرواشدة حالة عصابة من سبعة أشخاص من عائلتين تتراوح أعمارهم بين 15 و20 عاما تستروا تحت غطاء التسول وبيع السلع الرخيصة على إشارة ضاحية الحسين لبيع عدة أنواع من المخدرات والترويج لفتيات يمارسن الدعارة.
"بعد المراقبة الحثيثة تم القبض على هذه العصابة وأودعوا مراكز الأحداث والسجون بعد أن مارسوا "التسول المستتر" لفترات طويلة."
وفي العاصمة، تنتشر ظاهرة التسول في عمان الغربية بنسبة 95 بالمائة و5 بالمائة في باقي مناطق عمان. ويوضح الرواشدة أن ذلك ينبع من كون قاطنيها "بشكل عام أغنى" ويعيش فيها المغتربون والسائحون والذين عادة ما يعطون المتسولين بسخاء.
ويضيف:"ولاحظنا أيضا أن إعطاء المتسولين نقودا في كثير من الأحيان لا يكون بدافع المساعدة بل للتخلص منهم حيث أن الشحاذين يستخدمون أساليب مضايقة مثل الطرق على الزجاج أو رفض الابتعاد خاصة ان مظهرهم يكون مزعجا وهيئتهم متسخة ورثة. كما أن الكثيرين منهم يبصقون على الناس أو يشتموهم في حال رفضوا إعطاءهم ما يريدون."

التسول "مهنة مربحة"

ويلاحظ انه ورغم إيداع المتسولين عدة مرات في مراكز التأهيل أو السجون فإنهم لا يلبثون بعد انتهاء مدة احتجازهم بالعودة إلى "مهنتهم". ولا يرجع الرواشدة ذلك إلى ضعف التأهيل بل إلى كون التسول "مهنة سهلة ومربحة في ذات الوقت."
وبحسب الرواشدة فان الدخل المالي المرتفع المتأتي من التسول يدفع المتسولين إلى اتخاذ الاستجداء و "الشحدة" مهنة ثابتة يعيشون منها ويدفعون أولادهم إليها.
ويتم إرسال الأطفال الذين يتم القبض عليهم إلى دور رعاية خاصة بالوزارة، حيث تجرى لهم دراسة حالة قبل تحديد نوع الإجراء الذي سيتخذ فيهم. ويوجد في المملكة خمس دور رعاية، ثلاثة "للذكور"، واثنتان "للإناث". وتعنى هذه الدور الخمس بتوفير الرعاية لجميع الأطفال الذين يتم القبض عليهم في جميع أنحاء الأردن، وتأهيلهم للمشاركة في تنمية المجتمع واقتصاده.
ولكن المشكلة الرئيسية بحسب الرواشدة تكمن في الإجراءات القانونية غير الرادعة حيث يجب تعديل المادة 389 من قانون العقوبات وتشديد عقوبة التسول بحيث تكون كفيلة بإبعاد المتسولين عن الشوارع.

وبحسب دراسة أجرتها دائرة مكافحة التسول لـ 235 متسولا قبض عليهم في شهر رمضان من عام 2004 فان 110 من الحالات تبين ان لديهم دخلا من أكثر من مصدر وان 50 حالة يتقاضون رواتب من صدوق المعونة الوطنية فيما وجد ان 75 حالة يتقاضون رواتب تقاعدية من مؤسسة الضمان الاجتماعي أو الجيش وثبت أن 100 منهم ليس لديهم دخل.

وبحسب دراسة إحصائية أخرى للدائرة فان هناك أعدادا لا يستهان بها من المتسولين "المتكررين" أي الذين قبض ليهم عدة مرات. ففي الفترة ما بين عامي 1990 و 2004 تبين على سبيل المثال ان هناك 50 متسولا قبض عليهم 45 مرة و 75 متسولا قبض عليهم 35 مرة.
وتشير إحصائيات وزارة التنمية الاجتماعية إلى أن أعداد المتسولين الذين قبض عليهم عام 2000 كان 940 متسولا ارتفعت إلى 826 في عام 2001 ، 1684 في 2002، 1228 في 2003، 1800 في 2004 و2095 في 2005.

ويرجع الرواشدة الارتفاع المضطرد في أعداد المتسولين إلى عملية "التجنيد المستمر" لهم من قبل أقاربهم وأقرانهم وأصدقائهم حيث تزداد "تكاليف الحياة وتزداد المغريات المادية."


ويقول:" نلاحظ ان المتسولات مثلا يركبن سيارات الأجرة ويحملن أجهزة خلوية باهظة الثمن. وتجدد الكثيرات منهن جهازهن الخلوي كل شهر واشترت العديدات منهن سيارات خاصة بهن."
ونظرا للظروف السياسية التي دفعت بالعديد من حملة الجنسيات العربية إلى النزوح إلى الأردن وخاصة العراقيين وازدياد نشاط القطاع السياحي فان المتسولين وجدوا في التسول عملا مربحا ومدرا للدخل أغرى الكثيرين منهم لامتهان الاستجداء وتشغيل أولادهم كشحاذين رغبة في دنانير تدخل جيوبهم بسرعة وتوفر لهم مستوى معيشيا مترفا.

In a box

يورد الرواشدة في تقرير له عن آفة التسول قصصا طريفة نذكر هنا بعضها:

· القي القبض على أحد المتسولين هائما على وجهه ويحمل كيسا كبيرا يحتوي على كافة أمتعته ينام ويصحو معها. وعند تفتيش محتويات الكيس تبين انه يحتوي على 1656 دينارا.
· تم القبض على متسولتين في عمان وهما تتظاهران أنهما مقعدتان ويستخدمن كرسيين خاصين بالمقعدين. وعند ايداعهما في مركز التأهيل تبين أنهما في حالة صحية جيدة، أنهما غير معاقتين وأنهما من أصحاب السوابق.
· تم القبض على مجموعة من المتسولات يقصدن أماكن ذبح الأضاحي في عمان أثناء أيام عيد الأضحى وهن يقمن بالتسول وطلب قطع لحمة من كل صاحب أضحية. وتجمع الواحدة منهن ما يزيد عن وزن أضحية كاملة ثم تقوم ببيعه للقصابين بأقل من السعر العادي وتجمع أكثر من 70 دينارا عبر ذلك.
· تعهد احد المتسولين ان يترك التسول بعد ان ينتهي من تشطيب منزل كان يمول بناءه عبر مهنته كمتسول.
· ضبط بحوزة احد المتسولين دفتر حساب بنكي تشيرا آخر حركة منه انه يمتلك اثنين وأربعين ألف دينار.

In a box
تنص المادة (389) على أن من وجد يقود ولدا دون السادسة عشرة من عمره للتسول وجمع الصدقات أو يشجعه على ذلك يعاقب في المرة الأولى بالحبس مدة لا تزيد على ثلاثة أشهر أو ان تقرر المحكمة إحالته على أية مؤسسة معينه من قبل وزير الشؤون الاجتماعية للعناية بالمتسولين لمدة لا تقل عن سنة ولا تزيد عن ثلاث سنوات.